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Managing Relationships

By DKain Jun 27, 2010 1121 Words
Managing a relationship can always be a tricky task especially when you are not always sure of what the other person wants. Sometimes you might have an idea and that is when you try to make sure that you aren’t reading into mixed signals, which can always end up in disaster.

I met Jessica two weeks ago through her sister. I have actually known her sister, Sarah, for over 10 years but never got to meet any of her family. At a birthday party for Sarah’s youngest daughter I was finally introduced to Jessica. Immediately, I was attracted to her smile and green eyes. As the night progressed, I started to get a feel for her sense of humor as well as her career ambitions and how good of a mother she is. She has 3 children and I like the fact that she takes care of them. We talked through out the night and ended up becoming good friends. The birthday party turned into a real party for us adults as we found a babysitter and proceeded to go to a couple of bars and then bring the party back to the house. Jessica turned out to have trouble sleeping, just like me, and we found ourselves staying up all night cleaning the house and getting to know each other. I think it was great how quickly we became friends and found myself wanting to get to know her more. We were definitely in the exploration stage.

I would love for the two of us to become close friends and maybe one day become lovers and/or have an actual relationship together. I think that her and I have so much in common and are attracted to each other that something long term could work. When she found out that I did music and she had actually heard my music in the past, I could automatically see her attraction in me increase. The main issue though, is that although she’d like for us to become close friends, I don’t believe she will allow it to go further than that. Right now she is married but close to a divorce and is scared of jumping into another relationship. So even though she does want to escalate our relationship, it is not to the level that I would like to see it escalated to.

Right now I would say that we have an interdependent relationship, in that we both have similar power over each other. We haven’t reached a real stage in our relationship that someone will have more power over the other. The only way that I could say she has more power over myself is because she is the one that has to make the decision as to how far this relationship will go, where the glass ceiling will be.

I think that our attraction to each other, not just physically but mentally as well, is very important to our relationship. The fact that she is very smart and a good mother is a major bonus in my book and I know she loves that I am a good father, a great musician and that I am working hard on two college degrees. The power between us, although it is interchangeable doesn’t play as big of a role in my opinion. I just don’t believe that we have reached a stage where the power is that significant.

The most difficult obstacle that is in front of us is our lack of communication. What I mean by that, is that it is hard to talk to her on the phone when her husband is around. I work two jobs and I go to school so I am not always able to talk on the phone when she is away from her husband. She does not have unlimited texting on her cell phone so we can’t always text each other either. Right now, we have only been able to leave each other messages on Facebook and that always takes at least a day to get a response. This is our number one obstacle and we are currently trying to figure out ways on which to improve this. The last thing I would want to do is jeopardize her current status with her husband because even though they are heading towards divorce, they are still on good terms with each other and that is an important thing since their children are involved. She is going to try and get a new cell phone plan so that she has unlimited texting on her phone and if she does that, then I am sure that we will be talking a couple of times a day. Right now we are lucky to talk on Facebook a couple of times a week.

Even though we are only able to talk a couple of times a week, if that, I feel that her and I can still escalate this relationship. Instead of always asking the casual “Hi, how are you?” in our messages, I plan on starting to ask more and more personal questions. Asking how the divorce process is going, how are the kids doing, and hopefully getting to the point where I can ask her if she’d like to go out sometime. She lives 200 miles away, which is obviously another huge obstacle to overcome, and she doesn’t get the chance to visit that often. I do not have a driver’s license so I am unable to drive down to where she is at in order for us to see each other either. Even though we are in the beginning stages of a relationship, we do consider each other as friends and I feel that if I am able to start talking to her about more personal issues rather than the superficial conversations that we normally have, then our relationship will be able to escalate quite a bit. Once I get to know her on a more personal level, knowing her intimate likes and dislikes, then that is when I believe that we can take our relationship to the next level.

Jessica is a beautiful and smart woman. That is what attracts me to her so much. I know that she is in a bad relationship and maybe I do feel as if I could save her from that because I know she deserves better. I feel that I am the man that can give her better and I am dead set on trying to do that. Reading through our material has given me great insight on what I need to do, which is simply be there for her as a friend right now and work on to becoming a close friend and proceed from their.

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